Talks given from 1/10/1978 to 10/10/1978
Original in Hindi
Book Chapters: 10
Year published: 1994
Source: www.oshoworld.com

[Note: This is a translation of the Hindi series MARAN HEY JOGI MARAM by GORAKH, which is in the process of being edited. It is for research only.]

Chapter No. 8 - Come, spread this moonlight, wrap yourself in it
8 October 1978 am in Buddha Hall, Pune, India

The first question:

Question 1

WHY IS GOD SAID TO BE INDESCRIBABLE?

Everything in life is indescribable. God is the totality of life. When everything in life is indescribable then the union of all will be utterly indescribable.

Can you give a description of love, if someone asks what is love? And it is not that you have not known love. If a heavy downpour has not come, a drizzle certainly has. In some way or another, through some door or another you have had some experience of love. You have known the love of a friend, of a husband, of a wife, of a son, of a mother, of a father. From somewhere or other a ray of love has descended, because no one can live without a ray of love. An encounter has happened, a window has opened. But if someone asks, what is love, you will remain absolutely speechless. What can you say?

If someone asks, what is beauty? -- and it is not that you have not perceived beauty. You have seen sometimes the night filled with the full moon. Sometimes you have seen the sky pulsating with stars. You have seen the flowers blooming. You have heard the cooing of the cuckoo. You have known veena music playing. Beauty is being manifested in many many forms. Even one who is extremely insensitive knows some beauty in some form or other. Sometimes in the face of some person, sometimes in someone's movement, in the way they live, sometimes in someone's voice. Some experience or another of beauty must have happened. No person is so unfortunate that he has not experienced beauty. But if someone asks, what is beauty? How will you define it? What definition can you give? You will be dumbfounded.

There can be no definition of beauty, there can be no definition of love -- then how can there be a definition of god? God is the highest beauty and god is the highest love.

Beauty and love are too high you might think. Come down to smaller things. Have you tasted something? And if someone asks what is taste? You have known sweetness but if someone asks you to define sweetness you will be at a loss. Not even small things like sweetness can be defined. Even here one goes completely silent, becomes quiet. And if someone asks who has never known sweetness then the difficulty will be even more. Not even sweetness can be defined.

A very great thinker of the West, G. E. Moore wrote an amazing book on the definition of what is good. After some two hundred and fifty pages of continuous effort on what is good, Moore reached the conclusion that 'good' cannot be defined. And the examples that Moore gives: like, how will you define the color yellow? The color yellow -- such a small thing -- scattered all around us. Marigolds are in bloom, yellow oleanders are blooming, golden yellow is showering from the sun. Everyone experiences yellow. If someone asks what is yellow, you will only be able to say, "Yellow is yellow."

What is sweetness? Sweetness is sweetness. And what is love? Love is love. All these small experiences are indescribable, so that vastness must also be indescribable. No matter what picture you make it will be false, it will be too small. Any doctrine created concerning it will seem trifling.

This is why it is said that god is indescribable. Those who have known say he is indescribable. Those who have not known make descriptions of god. Only those who don't know describe god, only they give definitions. Only they carve images of god. Only they create doctrines about god, create scriptures. Those who know say god is not describable. They have remained silent. They never spoke about god. Yes, they have spoken about how god can be attained.

Drink water and you will know if it is sweet or bitter, cool or not. If you drink you will know. Those who know will indicate fresh waters for you. They won't say a single word about the taste of water. They say, "There is a pool. I drank there. You come too, I will take you. Come, hold my hand."

Those who know talk about methods how god can be known. Those who don't know try to prove god, they offer proofs saying, "Here, this is the proof. God exists this way. He has one thousand hands or four hands or three heads." All these are foolish statements. His hands cannot be measured in a thousand hands. Three heads will not be enough because all heads are his, and all hands are his. And not only hands that exist today. Hands that do not yet exist are also his. Those that exist today are his, and those that exist in the infinite future are also his. How can it be expressed in a thousand hands? And not only man's hands are his, the hands of birds and animals are his too. Branches of trees, these hands of trees are also his. Everything is his. How can this vastness fit in words? It is difficult.

What you are, is not here in your picture!

Have you loved someone? And did anyone give you a picture of your beloved? And did you feel the difference?

What you are, is not here in your picture!

Your image is cast in colors here, you could not be cast

The fire of your breathing, the fragrance of your body could not be cast

The tenderness in you, it is not found in my manuscript

It is not here in your picture!

In this lifeless beauty, where is the grace of your movement?

It is a denial of grace not the promise of it

Where is the softness of your defiant locks?

It is not here in your picture!

There is nothing in the world like you

Come somehow, before me once again

In my fate, is there not a single glimpse more?

-- not in your picture!

What you are, is not here in your picture!

In ordinary love too you must have experienced that a picture of your beloved cannot be put on paper. No matter how much color you put, her color will not come. No matter how much it radiates, her radiance will not come. Something will be left out. What is living will be left behind. What is real is left behind, just the surface is found in the picture. The soul is left behind, the body is caught.

And god is pure being, hence he is indescribable. God is the purest essence of this existence. The picture of a flower can be made but how will you make a picture of fragrance? A flower has both body and soul. In fragrance only soul remains, the body is gone.

God is the fragrance of existence. Yes, a picture of a veena can be made, but the stroking of veena string, the music arising... how will you make a picture of this music? Has anyone ever made a picture of music? It can be experienced. It can be enjoyed. It can be tasted.

So don't get involved in the defining of god. Cloak yourself in god. Wear him. Drink him. Eat and digest him. Let god become your flesh and bones. Don't ask for his definition. Don't fall into the trap of words.

Come, let us share this moonlight, be cloaked in it, wear it -- come!

Don't talk about moonlight. In talk it will be lost somewhere. It will get hung up somewhere in talk.

Come, let us share this moonlight, be cloaked in it, wear it -- come!

Bathe in moonlight, drown, be carried across

Come, let us share this moonlight!

Cool cool moonlight

Wound-balm moonlight

Uncontrollable oozing from the wounds will be stopped

Flowing waters from the eyes

Hesitating they freeze

Come, harvest the grain of unsown dreams...

Come, let us share this moonlight!

Soft delicate flute of light rays

A flute like sandalwood scent of mystic gardens

Melodious throat

Like yours

This sound wave

Like heartbeat music

Drenched in love

Come, let us dance and lose ourselves in deep waves

Come, let us share this moonlight!

Throw the definition of god, the proof of god, the indecisive words about god. God cannot be thought about. Come, be without thoughts. Live god. Experience god.

Here I am not defining god. If a thirst awakens in your heart I can hold your hand and take you to that sacred place. Don't come here as a student. A student's eagerness is to increase knowledge. Come to me as a seeker. The seeker's thirst is something else, very different from the student. The seeker asks, how can the experience happen? The student asks, how can knowledge be increased? The student wants to decorate his memory. The seeker wants to set his life aflame.

Come, let us share this moonlight, be cloaked in it, wear it -- come!

Like heartbeat music

Drenched in love

Soft delicate flute of light rays

A flute like sandalwood scent of mystic gardens

Melodious throat

Like yours

This sound wave

Come, let us dance and lose ourselves in deep waves

Come, let us share this moonlight!

Experience will come, then this very experience is the description. When you become the witness, in the very witnessing you find the proof of all scriptures. You become the witness of the Vedas, of the Upanishads, of the Korans. Become the witness. Become the proof. Don't ask the proof of god. You yourself can become the proof. Your presence is enough. Some things cannot be said. Some things are revealed.

Someone asks Ramakrishna for proof of god. Ramakrishna says, "Me, I am the proof of god!" This is not the language of a philosopher, not the language of a thinker. This is the language of one who has experienced. "I am the proof!"

When Vivekananda asked Ramakrishna, "Does god exist? Can you prove god to me?"

Ramakrishna said, "Stop this nonsense. You want to know god? -- ask! Don't ask whether god exists or not. Do you want to know? I can show you. Do you want to know right now?"

Vivekananda had never thought of this. He had gone to many thinkers. He was a seeker: when news came that someone knew, he went to him. From each one he returned empty handed. Words were many, but who has ever been satisfied by words? If you are hungry and someone talks about food, how will you be satisfied? Vivekananda was hungry. His eagerness was not the curiosity of a student but the inquiry of a seeker. He returned from place after place. He had come to Ramakrishna with this same inquiry. But in his heart he had the idea that here was an illiterate, uncivilized man. When he had found nothing with the great and learned, the well studied...

He had gone to Maharshi Devendranath. He was Rabindranath's grandfather. He was very renowned, renowned as a great seer. He lived on a houseboat in the river. In the middle of the night Vivekananda jumped in, and climbed onto the houseboat having swum the river. The boat was in the middle. A dark night, a moonless night... the whole boat shook... Devendranath was meditating in the solitude of night. His eyes opened. A youth was standing in front of him soaking wet! There was a small flickering lamp on the boat. He asked, "What do you want?"

Vivekananda said, " Does god exist?"

Devendranath was startled. Is this a time to ask? Is this a time for inquiring? At midnight climbing on to someone's houseboat soaking wet, standing there in the dark asking does god exist? He hesitated a moment. This young man seems to be mad. Seeing his hesitation Vivekananda dove back into the river. Devendranath asked, "Young man! Are you going back? Why?"

Vivekananda said, "Your hesitation said everything: that you don't know yet either. Why did you hesitate? What you know you know. Even if asked in the middle of the night -- even waking from sleep you know it. What you know, you know. Your hesitation said everything. I have nothing to ask."

So naturally when even a seer like Maharshi Devendranath, a world famous scholar, is not able to give any answer then this uncivilized villager Ramakrishna, what answer will he be able to give? He was filled with this idea. But the situation reversed itself. He had gone to shock Ramakrishna, he himself was shocked. Ramakrishna said, "Do you want to know? And know right now? Shall I tell you now -- this very moment?" He had not come thinking of knowing right now. He had not come prepared for this. He had never thought that someone could ask like this. And before Vivekananda could say anything Ramakrishna leaped up and pressed his foot on Vivekananda's chest. This is not the way of knowledgeable people, this is the way of the ecstatic. But only the ecstatic know. They know, hence the ecstasy.

Vivekananda went unconscious and fell down. When he came to, three hours later, Ramakrishna said, "Ask! Do you have more questions?"

It was like returning from some other world! He had had a taste. Then he became mad after this illiterate priest. Then he began running circles behind him. He had no scripture, no knowledge, no doctrine, no big degrees, nor was his name world famous. He had a small part time job at eighteen rupees per month performing worship at the Dakshineshwar temple. He was a poor man. He was an illiterate villager, he had studied only up to the second year. He didn't know Sanskrit. No one had been able to attract Vivekananda, Ramakrishna drew him in.

Where there is an experience of god there is living magic.

I cannot give you a definition of god. No one has ever given one. But if you are ready I can give you an experience. Experience is easy. Scripture is very hard. Experience is easy -- even though you may have forgotten, still you exist in god. Like a fish not knowing he is the ocean. He was born in the ocean, he has lived in the ocean. How can he know he is in the ocean? In the same way you are living in god, you are breathing god, you live him every moment. But this has been going on forever, this is why you cannot remember where god is. You ask where god is? Only god is! He is surrounding you. You are living in his ocean of life.

This is why it is not difficult. A little consciousness, just a little consciousness... If a small flame of flickering consciousness awakens in you, you will know only god is, and nothing else.

Don't get involved in definitions. When you can have the experience, only a mad person will think about definitions.

God is not describable, but he is experience-able.

The second question:

Question 2

I WAS EXTREMELY TROUBLED BY THOUGHTS SO I MADE THE MISTAKE OF ASKING A HINDU MONK, A SADHU-MAHARAJ, FOR A METHOD OF MEDITATION. HE TOLD ME TO CONTINUOUSLY REMEMBER THE MANTRA, RAM-RAM. THROUGH THIS, THOUGHTS HAVE GONE, BUT NOW THE REPETITION OF RAM-RAM GOES ON AND ON. NOW I GO ON REPEATING RAM-RAM EVERY MOMENT. AND IF I WANT TO STOP IT I CANNOT STOP. ITS CONTINUOUS STREAM KEEPS MOVING INSIDE. AN INSANE STATE IS ARISING FROM THIS. PLEASE GUIDE ME, I WANT TO GET FREE OF THIS MANTRA.

This happens often. One gets rid of the disease and gets fettered to the medicine. It is called addiction. This is why physicians are so concerned -- as soon as the disease is gone, they want to quickly stop the medication. Otherwise dependence on the medication begins.

A mantra is not something to be repeated continuously. If it is used for an hour or two there is no damage. Medicine should be taken in doses. The one who gave you the mantra didn't know anything about the science of mantras. But this has not happened only to you, many people have come here like this.

One Sikh was brought to me. He was in the army, of high rank. And his condition had become poor because someone had told him, just keep on chanting, continuously repeating. So he kept repeating the Japji mantra inside. Slowly slowly people began to wonder what the matter was. He appeared to be spaced out. As you go on repeating something inside, you start getting out of touch with the outside. Walking on the street, a car horn is honking to clear the road, but the Sikh doesn't know it . He is involved in his repeating, his attention is there. His wife says something, he cannot hear it. His wife tells him to bring something, he buys something else from the market. And in his office too, in the army , mistakes started happening. When your mind is fully involved inside you start becoming unconscious outside. Your life becomes confused.

A mantra is just like a bath. No one spends the whole day taking a bath. A mantra is also a bath. Do it for a little while and become refreshed, then freshness will continue flowing. One doesn't need to be greedy for freshness, thinking do it more, more. The mind is very greedy. The mind says it feels so good, do it one more time, do it once more. And not that it happens only with mantras, it can happen with anything.

A friend has come. His whole body is suffering. He says his head is aching, his back is aching. And he says, "This all happened from your meditations."

I said, "What is the matter?"

He said, "I meditate five times a day."

"If you do dynamic meditation five times a day," I told him, "That you are still alive is a miracle! Who told you to do dynamic meditation five times a day?"

And he said, "My whole life has become disturbed."

"If you do dynamic five times a day, then who will mind the shop? Who will raise the children? Who will look after the house?

"No," he said, "Much bliss was coming from doing it once a day, so I thought do it twice a day. Doing it twice a day more bliss came. So I thought three times. Then I was doing it constantly like a mania thinking so much joy is coming. Joy is coming, but the condition of this body is getting very bad."

"The body is a temple. Learn to respect it. It is a gift from existence. Don't just waste it. This is an insult to existence. And greed is a disease of the mind. Greed can catch hold of anything. If there are ten thousand, it should be ten million, this is greed. And much bliss comes from meditating one time, so meditate ten times, this too is greed. There is no difference, the same greedy mind... Beware of greed.

And it often happens. A man was brought to me. To get to his house he had to cross a graveyard. Fear of ghosts and goblins... it was a great problem for him. And he had to go across every day, his home was on the other side. Someone gave him an amulet, saying tie on this amulet and drop your worries. Ghosts can have no influence on one who has this amulet. And it worked. He tied on the amulet and proudly crossed the graveyard, even at midnight. But he became afraid that the amulet would disappear. He slept with the amulet in his hand so he wouldn't lose at night. And those people must be angry, those people in the graveyard who had been frightened away by the amulet, they must be angry. What if they came and sat on his chest? He became so freaked out that the amulet might be stolen, be left behind or lost, or someone might take it away... He became so freaked out that he forgot ghosts and goblins. He became as much afraid for this amulet as he had been of ghosts!

Yesterday I read a story. In Chandulal's family there was a dreadful problem. Instead of Ram-Ram, his three year old grandson Munna was saying Lam-Lam as a greeting. Chandulal's neighbor and friend Dhabbuji took it as a challenging problem in the psychology of languages. He invented a linguistic method to train Munna to say R. First he taught Munna to say 'dhirrr' so he could pronounce R. For Ram he says Lam, at first for dhirrr he would say dhimm. He had him practice R -- dhirrr, dhirrr, dhirrr. Munna learned to say dhirrr, dhirrr. And suddenly one day saying dhirrr, dhirrr again and again he started saying it together: dhirrr... Ram-Ram. He learned to say R. He was thinking, I am saying L, I can't say R. When he started saying dhirrr then suddenly one day he said filled with joy: dhirrr Ram-Ram. Dhabbuji too became very happy with his success. But now the problem is, if you say hello to Munna, if you say Ram-Ram, he says dhirrr Ram-Ram. Now the question is how to make him drop dhirrr. He has really learned it... Now no matter what you tell him, whenever he says Ram-Ram he first says dhirrr.

The mantra you learned has become like this -- dhirrr Ram-Ram. Now you are trapped in dhirrr.

Really, no effort to forcefully get rid of thoughts can ever be successful. Thoughts move meaninglessly inside of you, you have taken all the energy of those thoughts for Ram-Ram, Ram-Ram, Ram-Ram. This is not transformation, this is merely a change of form. The same thing is moving, previously you thought about something else, like how to win the lottery, or how to become president. And other thoughts used to move: they too are words, Ram too is a word. All those words that your energy had been occupied with you have occupied with Ram-Ram. This is your so-called science of mantras. When your repeat Ram-Ram, Ram-Ram rapidly, intensely, then there is neither time nor energy left over, nor any space in your mind. You are filled with a chain of Ram-Ram, Ram-Ram and how you might win the lottery cannot enter in between. If it comes in between then Ram-Ram will be broken. You have discovered a substitute. This is not transformation.

And this is why you have started repeating Ram-Ram twenty-four hours, because whenever Ram-Ram will be dropped the lottery is waiting... It is standing in line behind it, saying sometime this Ram-Ram will stop, then we shall see. He is a ghost sitting in the graveyard, thinking sometime you will let go of the amulet, then I will 'show you some fun'. This is why slowly slowly you start repeating it twenty-four hours. You are afraid that those things you have pushed away by chanting Ram-Ram might somehow enter again. But Ram-Ram itself has become a disease. Diseases are not so easily cured. A little more intelligence is needed.

Nothing will be solved by forcefully pushing thoughts out. Ram-Ram is also a thought. Is this no-thought? Is there any difference? It is the the same as ever. You will not attain any samadhi through this. You have replaced one thing with another, replaced one entanglement with another. But you have not become free of entanglements by this. Thoughts do not need to be forced out.

Become a witness of thoughts.

I want to tell you this: now, be a witness of Ram-Ram. Stop giving support to it, otherwise you will go insane. And many people have gone insane because of religion. Anyone can dish out religion, anyone can offer suggestions, anyone can give advice. Advisors can be had without searching, seek one and find a thousand. Even if you don't search, they will come to seek you out. They enjoy giving advice, the pleasure of giving advice is great. The ego gets great satisfaction. "I am giving advice, and you are receiving it. I know, and you don't know." Great joy comes from this. This is why you give advice even about things you know nothing about. You too give advice like this. Remember, others condition is the same as yours. The monk that has suggested this to you doesn't know anything.

Be a witness of thoughts, if you want to be free of thoughts. Otherwise you will put a second thought in place of the first, put a third thought in place of the second, put a fourth thought in place of the third: it will make no difference. A thorn gets stuck in your foot. With a second thorn you get the first thorn out, but you have kept the second thorn. What is the difference? Thorns go on changing.

People are doing just this. Someone is in the habit of chewing betel nut. To stop chewing betel nut he starts smoking cigarettes. To stop the cigarettes -- chewing gum! He needs something or other, his mouth wants to go on moving. If you want to drop everything then Ram-Ram, Ram-Ram, Ram-Ram... it is chewing gum and nothing more. The mouth can not remain still.

Understand thinking. Wake up to thoughts. Be a witness. The flow of thoughts moves in the mind, observe it. Don't judge: what is good, what is bad. Let it move as traffic moves. You are standing at the side of the road looking. Good people come along, bad people come along. Dishonest people come along, honest people too. Moral, immoral; what's it to you? You are standing at the side of the road just watching. You are only an observer, merely a witness. And you will be amazed, if you stand at the side of the stream of thoughts...

And thinking is only a flow. You are different than it. You are not thinking, you are the one who sees thinking. You just have to awaken in remembrance that I am the witness. Let thought go on moving. Now if Ram-Ram comes along or Coca Cola comes along, if anything comes along let thought go on moving. You are standing far off looking -- peacefully. You are neither for nor against. You don't say aha! a good thought has come. If you say this you are caught. You will grab hold of the thought you think is good. It will become your illusion. You will want it to come again and again. You will make friendship. You will get married. Or a thought comes and you say it is very bad, I don't want to see it and turn your head. This too will follow you because it will be angry. You have insulted it. You have denied it, negated it. It will knock again and again on the door. It will say look at me.

Whatever you deny returns again and again. Try observing this, deny any thought and observe, it will come again and again. It will torture you around the clock. And if you hold on to anything you are caught, renounce it and you are also caught. Indulgence catches you, renunciation also catches you. There is freedom only in the witness, not in indulgence, not in renunciation. Don't say very beautiful, don't say very bad. Don't say anything, there is no need to say anything. Only observe. Can't you merely watch as a mirror watches? Even if a beautiful woman comes in front of a mirror it doesn't say wait a bit, a little longer... or strike up a conversation. If an ugly woman comes along it doesn't say walk quickly, or move along, or mother be gone, go torture some other mirror. A mirror watches. In the same way when you become a witness like a mirror, all your thoughts start to become quiet on their own. A moment comes when the path of thoughts becomes deserted. No one comes. In that stillness the voice of existence is heard for the first time. Its call is heard. In that silence the melody of samadhi is heard for the first time. In that silence a ray of the whole comes for the first time.

Don't think that you have become in any way religious from repeating Ram-Ram. Don't think that you have made some great attainment. If you think you have attained something, let-go will not be possible. Why would you want to let go of attainments? Do not think transformation has happened inside you. Nothing has happened. You have taken one disease and replaced it with a borrowed one. It is as much a disease as the first, there is no difference. Now stop giving it support. Even though for a few days it will be difficult because you have practiced it for a long time and now this stream will move by itself, so even if you don't support it, it will move for some days. Like someone pedalling a bicycle, then stopping pedalling. The momentum of the pedalling will move the bicycle for some distance, even without more pedalling. In the same way for some days this Ram-Ram will move. But now stop supporting it. The help you have given is enough. Now don't support it. Now don't maintain it from your side. Take your energy back. Become a witness now.

At the very maximum this stream can move in some form or another for three months, but it will weaken every day. Now it is like a flood -- like a monsoon flood. Soon it will be a dried up river in the hot season, just a little flow, water in a few scattered pools. For three months it will slowly slowly slowly become less and less until it vanishes. And then remember that whatever moves after that, the thoughts that remain, that have been suppressed, the ones you pushed aside, you suppressed by doing Ram-Ram, they will all come up. Let them come up. Don't be afraid. A seeker should be fearless.

And what is to be feared from thought? What is there in thought? It is a wave in the air. Not even a water bubble, an air bubble. There is no substance in thought. It is a sky flower, without roots. It has no form, it has no color. A thought is nothing but a change. Just silently go on watching. Soon, just watching and watching you will cross over.

Witnessing is a process of transcending. And one who transcends thought -- without suppressing, without fighting and quarreling, spontaneously, easily -- he reaches.

Remember Gorakh's statement: Laughing, playing, doing meditation... This is not a serious matter, but for laughing and playing. It should be only laughing and playing. If your religion makes you serious then understand that there is a mistake somewhere. If your religion takes your laughter away then understand that a mistake has happened. If your religion makes your life sad, makes life heavy, weighed down, gives birth to arrogance, then understand something has been missed.

Laughing, playing, the knack of meditation. Meditation should be laughing and playing. And meditation means the witness. ... then certainly life becomes a great festival comes.

The third question:

Question 3

OSHO!

KILL ME, O LORD, KILL ME! KILL ME, I CRAVE DEATH.

KILL THAT DEATH OSHO DIED AND SAW.

I AM SUCH A STONE, I CAN NOT COMPLETELY MELT. I AM UPSET. WHAT SHOULD I DO?

Sudhir Bharti, what you have written is lovely, but full of misunderstanding. You have given a new form to Gorakh's couplet, but Gorakh's couplets cannot be given new form. It is complete just as it is, it cannot be altered.

Understand Gorakh's statement again:

Die, O yogi, die! Die, sweet is dying.

Die that death Gorakh died and saw.

You have made a very big change. You say: Kill me, O lord, kill me!

No one else can kill you, it is not possible. Someone can kill your body, but no one can kill your ego. For this only you are capable. Not even god can kill your ego, otherwise he would have killed it. You say god is omnipotent, all powerful. Even he has a limit of power -- he cannot kill your ego. If your ego existed god could kill it. The ego does not exist, it is only an illusion. The illusion is yours. Only you can drop your illusion, how can I drop your illusion? You insist that two plus two equals five. No matter how much I insist that two plus two equals four, what will happen? -- as long as you don't believe two plus two equals four? If you stubbornly insist that two plus two equals five, you will go on making two plus two equal five.

I have heard that a man got the insane idea he was dead. He was quite alive but this mad idea that he was dead arose. He went on telling people, "Brother, I have died, did you know that or not?" People said, "Brother, this beats all! Never before has a dead man given the news like this. You are making a scene. In fact you are well and strong, everything is okay."

At first people thought he was just kidding, but slowly slowly it began to get serious. Customers would come to his shop and ask him things. He would say, "I have died. What store? What?"

His wife would ask have you brought the vegetables? He would say, do dead men bring vegetables? I have died. You haven't heard?

Worries started increasing. This kidding didn't seem to be kidding, it became a serious matter. People put up with it three or four days, then took the 'dead man' to a psychotherapist, thinking now he needs treatment. The psychotherapist observed him, he too was surprised. He has seen all kinds of patients. This was his first patient to say he had died. The psychotherapist thought he had a trap. He said: "Tell me something, if we make an incision on a dead man will blood come out or not?"

The madman said, "Do dead men ever bleed? Blood turns to water when one is dead. Blood will not come out, blood comes out of a living man."

The psychotherapist was happy, he said, "Now we'll see. Come with me, stand in front of the mirror." He picked up a knife and made a small wound on the man's hand. A gush of blood came out - he was living after all, alive. The psychotherapist said, "Now speak."

The man said, "My first statement was wrong. This proves that if a dead man is cut he will bleed."

Now what to do? If he has decided that two plus two equals five there is no way. He says that his first statement was wrong, excuse me, but I was mistaken. The psychotherapist had thought, now he will believe he is living, but instead he believes that dead men bleed.

No, I cannot smash your ego Sudhir. No one can. Your ego is your illusion. It will break only if you wake up. It cannot be broken from the outside. No outer light can light up your interiority. Yes, I can tell you the method, how you can light your inner lamp. But I cannot light your lamp. You will have to light it.

This is why Buddha said, a buddha indicates the path, you yourself will have to walk. No buddha can walk for you and reach the destination, and even if he reaches, he will reach the goal, you will remain just where you are. Truth cannot be borrowed.

Don't change Gorakh's couplet. You have said it well: Kill me, O lord, kill me! Kill me, I crave death.

But no, Gorakh speaks rightly:

Die, O yogi, die! Die, sweet is dying.

He is saying, you yourself will have to die. If it were in my hands to destroy your ego then what an easy matter it would be. Then you could come to me, I would wave a magic wand and your ego would be destroyed. You would attain god and go back home. But if it were so cheaply demolished it would be dangerous. On the way you might meet someone else and he waves his wand in reverse and you are back right where you were!

A man came to Ramakrishna, he said, "I am on my way to bathe in the Ganges. I am going on pilgrimage. What is your suggestion?"

Ramakrishna said, "If you are going it is good. But remember one thing: have you seen the great tall trees standing on the banks of the Ganges?"

He said, "Yes, they are standing there."

"Why are they standing there?"

"I don't know, you ask such a question! They are trees, they stand there. What can I say about why they are standing there?"

"I will tell you the secret," Ramakrishna said. "The secret is that you go there carrying a bundle of sins on your body and take a dip in the Ganges. When you dip under it is the blessing of Mother Ganges that the sins are taken away. But sins will not let go of you so easily, they sit on the trees. The say to themselves, 'When our son comes out, then. How long can he stay under?' You will come out of the Ganges, they will leap and be mounted on you again. So it is the same whether you bathe or not. Remember the trees, take your dip but don't come back out."

He said, "What are you telling me? Do you want to take my life? If I go under and don't come up, then I am finished. Then it is useless to go."

Ramakrishna said, "Then it is up to you. But that is why trees are standing there. You sin and the Ganges will purify your sins! If it were that cheap then how easy life would be, but not worth two cents."

Ramakrishna is right, does bathing in the Ganges wash away sins? Yes, the dirt and grime of the body will be washed off although as soon as you come out, dust will be stirred up and settle on you again. But how will the Ganges clean inside of you? The outer Ganges can clean the outer dirt. But you will have to have to awaken the inner Ganges in your inner consciousness. That water you will have to seek in your own currents.

You will have to die, I cannot kill you. If I could kill you, anyone could reawaken you. If you yourself die, then no one will be able to bring you back to life. Once one has consciously awakened and dispersed the ego inside himself, there is no power in the whole world that can make him fall back into the trap of ego.

So don't say, Kill me, O lord, kill me! Kill me, I crave death.

No one dies by craving. One who craves to die, simply has to die. Craving for what?

Listening to what I am saying, it appears to your ego, "Gee, if only I could be a great yogi like Gorakh. But this Gorakh is saying something disturbing, he is saying, die then it happens. Okay then I will die, but I must remain. I too want to be realized."

Your very ego desires to be realized, and this is what needs to die. Hence the ego says, " Okay I will die. If this is the way to realize then okay, I am ready even to die, but I will remain as realized." And the craving to realize, is to save oneself. This is the breath of the ego.

Where does the breath of the ego come from? The ego gets breath from the desire to be something. You are poor and you want to be rich, the ego is taking its breath. You are ignorant and you want to be knowledgeable, the ego is taking its breath. You are humbled and you want to be established in power, the ego is taking its breath.

Understand the process of the ego. How does the ego live? The ego lives in the tension between what you are and what you want to be. 'A' wants to be 'B', the ego is created from this very tension.

How does the ego die? The ego dies by accepting what you are. You say, I am fine as I am, where I am is good. I remain just as god made me. Whatever his will is, is my will. If you let go of tension for the future -- this should be, that should be -- the ego is gone.

The ego lives on a foundation of past and future. Consider the fact a little. The ego claims that in the past I did this, I did that: it is all past. And ego says I will go on doing it, I will do it and show you. It is all future. The ego does not exist in the present. If you come to the present, the ego says good-by. This is death to the ego. Coming to the present is the death of the ego.

What's gone is gone. Don't keep holding onto it. And let go of the future. Don't desire what has not happened, because desiring it the ego is preserved. Be totally content with what is, then this moment you will find the ego is not. What is -- as it is -- is good, it is absolutely good. The name of this art is contentment. And in contentment the ego dies. In discontent the ego lives. Hence the more discontented a man is, the more egotistical he is. The more egotistical, the more discontented. These two move together, one beside the other.

If you have made it a craving Sudhir to become realized, if you want to reach the place where you can say I have attained god, then the ego will not die. All expectations, all aspirations, all desires, all longings do the work of pouring ghee onto the fire. The desire to attain god also performs the function of pouring ghee onto the fire of ego.

Hence your sannyasins are more egotistical that ordinary people. In your mahatmas, your "great souls", you will find pure egos -- like absolutely pure poison, unadulterated, with no impurity -- which you cannot find in ordinary people. In the ordinary world you find everything full of impurities.

Mulla Nasruddin wanted to die, so he took poison and fell asleep. Three or four times he opened his eyes and looked around. I still haven't died. He felt around, let an ant bite and saw that I am alive, there is still no effect. He kept on tossing. Morning came, he opened his eyes and looked around. His wife had gotten up and she is busy with her work, the children are getting ready for school... what kind of death is this? The milkman came and is knocking on the door. The sound of the neighbors can be heard... what kind of death is this? And he had drunk enough poison that it says one should die from one quarter the amount. He drank four doses. He sat up. He went and looked in the mirror thinking what kind of death is this? And no one seems to know, no one has prepared the offerings, there is no fuss. The wife is not crying. The children are preparing to go to school. Then he realized, it is not death. He ran, reached the shop where he had bought the poison, saying, what's going on? The shopkeeper said, "What can I do? Everything is adulterated. Can you get pure poison nowadays? Those days are gone. You are talking about the golden era of truth. Pure poison? These are the days of the Kaliyuga, the dark ages, no pure poison or such like is available."

In the world everything has impurities. In an ordinary man everything is all mixed in. One who has gone to attain god, his ego starts becoming pure. His poison starts to be of the golden era. This is why you find conceit and subtle ego in your so-called mahatmas as you will find nowhere else.

This is why your scholars, priests and mahatmas fight and cause fights. Your temples, mosques, churches, gurudvaras have become sanctuaries of ego. Love does not arise from these, hate arises from them. Poison spreads into the world from them, not nectar.

If man becomes free of all religions then perhaps there will be peace. All religions say they want to bring peace, but they bring chaos. The basic process is not remembered.

Only desire gives ego to man, and the bigger the desire the bigger the ego it gives. Certainly there can be no bigger desire than for god. So a man filled with the desire for god becomes most egotistical of all.

What am I saying to you? I am saying this to you: if you want to attain god then you don't need to desire god. If you want to attain god you have to understand the nature of desire and become free of it. The moment desire is gone is the moment god descends. God can be attained, but god cannot be desired. God is met and the one who meets is the one who fulfills this important condition.

This is why a man of highest knowing like Buddha never used the word god - so that in your ignorance you don't start somehow desiring god. Buddha never even mentioned god, because Buddha saw that people change their desires. When they no longer want money, they want heaven. When they no longer want power, they want god. When they no longer want respect, they want samadhi. But they want. And where there is wanting there is ego.

So Buddha said: "There is no god, there is no soul, there is no liberation. Don't think that Buddha is saying there is no such thing as god, that there is no soul, that there is no liberation. Both those who have followed Buddha and those who opposed him have understood him wrongly. It is very hard to comprehend the Buddha, difficult. Buddha's statements are very subtle. Buddha is saying that if I say that god exists then immediately god becomes the object of your desire. And as long as there is desire god will not be attained. It is better if we just drop talking about god, Buddha said. He does not exist. 'Where there is no bamboo, no flute will play.' If god does not exist, how will you desire god? If there is no heaven how will you have desires for heaven? And if even the soul does not exist then what samadhi?

Buddha's device is amazing. All possible ways for your desire are taken away. Now you have only small desires, to get rich, to gain power, to become the prime minister. Try to understand these small desires and you will find that each desire brings suffering. Every desire takes you into darker hell. Looking and looking, recognizing and recognizing one day the awareness will dawn in you that desire is suffering. In that very moment desire will drop. And there is no god that the desire can be turned towards. Worldly desire will fall away and Buddha has left no way to desire the other world. The moment you enter desirelessness is the moment you meet god.

Understand god as the name of the state of your desirelessness. Understand samadhi as when no desire remains within you, what remains is samadhi. It is not something that happens through craving.

And you say, Kill that death...

Even your killing is conditional. You say, 'Yes, certainly kill but it should be that death -- the same that you attained, from which you saw, let it be no other death. Even in dying you have made conditions. In the middle of the process you will open your eyes to see that no wrong death is happening.

A Zen monk had given one of his disciples a meditation koan to resolve: what is the sound of one hand clapping? Does one hand ever clap? He thought long and worked hard. He was a man of deep thought. He brought many statements, such as the sound of one hand clapping is like the thundering of the clouds. And the master hit him a hard one saying, "Idiot, is this the sound of one hand clapping? Where is one hand in this? When there is thunder in the sky clouds are colliding with one another, this means there are two hands. Where there is colliding there are two hands. Bring something where there is no colliding and yet sound arises." He worked hard. Many possibilities arose, but all failed. Months passed, he started becoming sad. He came after working on it all day and exactly the same thing again: the master chased him away. He asked the older disciples, "Brothers, how did you solve it?"

So one disciple said, "I had to solve the same one, he tortured me a lot too. Three months for you -- he stepped on my corns for three years! Then one day I was completely tired out, just bored... the sound of one hand... has it ever sounded? This man is mad and I too am mad, sitting following his suggestion: contemplating the sound of one hand clapping, meditating. This is clearly impossible. I know it, he also knows it, everyone knows it. But I am attracted to this man. I have fallen in love with him, so okay if he says do it, it is fine -- some time or other it will sound or something will happen. After three years when I was completely tired and I came and he asked about the sound of one hand and I just collapsed. I had become completely hopeless, so I just fell down. And that day the master was happy and put his hand on my head - he didn't hit me with his staff that day - he said, 'Son, get up, the one hand has clapped!'"

In this falling down, his ego fell away. In this falling all his thoughts fell away -- despairing, despairing, despairing... defeated, defeated, defeated... there is a limit. The defeat reached that place where the ultimate defeat came. The loss was total. Now it became clear that nothing could happen through him. Neither one hand would clap, nor would he be successful, nor would samadhi happen to him. The despondency reached the place where the death of the ego happened. When there are small victories, success is happening, the ego is nourished. Hence the sound of one hand clapping, so the ego cannot be nourished. This is a device for breaking your ego. So the master put his hand on his head and said, "One hand has clapped! This is the sound of one hand clapping. Now get up, now there is no worry."

The younger man said, "My good man, why didn't you tell me in the first place? I would have 'clapped the one hand' the first day and fallen down. Today itself I will clap it. I'm going right now."

He went, arrived there. Just as he was asked about the sound of one hand clapping, he sprawled out... but fell looking to see that he was not hurt in any way. He looked a little sideways making sure that everything was okay. He dropped his head in a place where a pillow had been put. He closed his eyes and sprawled out headlong, lying in the corpse pose. His mind was very happy, that today the matter is resolved, now the master will come, and rub his hand on my head. And the master swung his staff. He opened one eye to see what was happening, he had imagined something quite different.

The master said, "Fool, do the dead open their eyes to peek? And do the dead fall seeing where the pillow lies? You are just copying. I understand who you are copying, but he experienced one hand clapping. You are imitating. You wanted something to happen cheaply. This cannot be cheap. He was troubled for three years. He worked relentlessly for three years. He sweated blood. He didn't sleep in the day, he didn't sleep at night. He forgot to eat and sleep. He put his total stake in it. Then the time came, in a moment of defeat he broke and fell down. He did not look around to see whether his head would fall on stones or on a pillow. He had no idea what would was about to happen. You fell, laid down where you saw that the master's hand could touch your head. When he fell, he really fell. In falling, his ego fell. And your falling is only arranged by the ego. This is only a device of the ego. You want me to say that you have become enlightened. It is not so cheap."

You say, Kill such a death...

At least let go completely. Say this much at least, Kill me as you will... Even this you did not let go of. You have made your conditions. Even your surrender is conditional. And is surrender ever conditional? The meaning of surrender is -- let go of all conditions. Fall at the feet, now what will pass will pass, what doesn't doesn't. One is ready for this too. If even a tiny desire hidden in a far corner is watching the path, saying, "It ought to happen like this, I have fallen down now, but that death has not happened, the death from which Gorakh saw. I am just the same as I was before. Still samadhi has not flowered. Still the feet of god do not appear anywhere." If such desires and thoughts continue, death can never happen.

And remember, the master cannot kill the disciple. The master can teach the disciple the art of dying. Dying you will have to do.

When you eat your stomach will be filled. When you drink water your thirst will be quenched. By my drinking water, your thirst cannot be slaked. By my eating, your hunger cannot be destroyed. By my breathing, your heart will not beat. And these are all outer things, the deepest thing is the death of the ego, this is the deepest. It cannot be done from outside. Only if you wake up, experience, know the misery of the ego, experience hell. See how many poisonous bites the ego has given...

It is not a matter of craving, it is a matter of understanding. But it is good Sudhir, the thought arose. Letting thoughts arise this way, the art is learned. The same that I am teaching -- the art of dying. It can either be called the art of living, or the art of dying: it is one and the same. When you die the divine manifests. Your death is its inception.

The fourth question (he says third!):

Question 4

AS I LISTEN TO YOU A FEELING OF PRAYER BEGINS SURGING IN MY HEART. BUT HOW SHOULD I PRAY? I DON'T KNOW HOW PRAYER SHOULD BE DONE.

Prayer cannot be done, prayer happens. This very feeling surging in you is prayer. If you do anything it becomes false. If you do anything it becomes formal. If you do anything it becomes borrowed, it becomes an imitation of others.

Prayer is not imitation. It is because of imitation that prayer has disappeared from the earth. People go each to their own temple. If there is a mosque next door they don't go to pray there, they go two miles away to pray in their temple. If the time wasted in going two miles were spent in prayer... the mosque is next door, where are you going? But the one who prays at the mosque is in the same situation. The temple is next door. He doesn't even notice it. He turns his back and starts off.

In Jaina scriptures and in Hindu scriptures there is a certain suggestion. The same suggestion because stupidity is the same in everyone. In Jaina scriptures is the suggestion: if you are passing in front of a Hindu temple and a mad elephant is after you, then it is better for you to be trampled under the elephant's feet and be killed than to take shelter in the Hindu temple. And exactly the same thing is said in Hindu scriptures: if a mad elephant is after you then be trampled under his feet and die but don't take shelter in a Jaina temple.

What crude ideas are propagated in the name of religion! But Hindu and Jaina are at least separate religions. Among Hindus there are some people who believe in Rama who will not go into a Krishna temple. And some who believe in Krishna who will not go into Rama's temple. And an even stranger thing is the Digambar and Shvetambar Jainas, who both believe in Mahavira, but their temple cannot be the same.

Man gets entangled in politics in the name of religion. And this whole disturbance is because of imitation. Prayer is a natural uncomplicated feeling. Looking at a tree bliss starts surging within you. Bow down there, prayer has happened. Bow down by the tree. Put your head on its roots, and your salutation reaches the divine, because the tree is joined to god. The idols in your temples are not joined to god at all, because they are made by you. Trees are alive, life is flowing in them, a stream of nectar is flowing. Otherwise they wouldn't be green. Otherwise new shoots wouldn't come out. Otherwise flowers wouldn't bloom. They are united with god, bow down.

At the roots of a tree the feet of the divine are more easily attained than at the idols in your temples. They are all false, just a formality. You are going to search for god in man-made idols? In man-made things you are going to search for the one who has made man? You are mistaken. His nature is spreads in all four directions. His rivers are flowing, his ocean is filled with high waves. His moon is rising. His sun is coming out. The trees are his, the plants and animals are his, you are.

If you bow down in a moment of loving at the feet of your child then too your salutation will reach. If you bow down in a moment of loving at the feet of your wife your salutation will also reach.

Prayer is informal. Don't make it a formality. But prayer has become so formal that you have forgotten what informal, spontaneous, natural prayer is.

You say: As I listen to you a mood of prayer begins surging in my heart.

This is prayer, what more are you asking for?

Now you are asking, But how should I pray?

Prayer is happening. Sitting in satsang prayer happens. If I am prayerful and you sit with me in direct feeling, if there is no argument inside of you, you are not listening to my every word as if you are my judge, that you are going to decide what is right and what is wrong -- if you listen to my words as someone listens to music, without thinking what is right, what is wrong -- if you are just receiving the juice of being near me, then prayer results, prayer happens. Something bows down inside of you. Something is effaced inside of you. A fresh beginning starts inside of you. A wave arises in which you are drowned. This is prayer.

But I understand your difficulty. You are thinking it happens only once in a while. How to do it systematically every day? Whenever you do it systematically it becomes false. It happens when it happens. A time cannot be fixed for prayer. It is not that you can wake up every morning and pray. Whenever it happens... Sometimes it will happen in the middle of the night, sometimes in the morning, sometimes in the afternoon. There is no fixed time for prayer, because all time is god's. There can be no auspicious time for prayer, no right moment.

Instead of creating a rule, instead of making it a ritual, move towards your own spontaneity. When it happens, close your eyes, and dissolve for a moment. You will be surprised where it will start from. You have probably never thought it will begin in such places. Someone is playing flute and it begins. It is afternoon, tranquil, the winds have stopped, the trees are not moving... and it begins. It is night, the chirring of the cicadas and it begins. You are sitting with your friend, hand in hand, and it begins. There is no prescribed time. And it is difficult to say how it will happen each time, because it never repeats. It is a state of being. Prayer is not a matter of thinking.

Prayer is not a gramophone record that will be just the same, the same again and again. Prayer is a salaam, a greeting with praying hands, that manifests in fresh colors, fresh forms, fresh styles.

Please accept my salaam of deep longing, please accept my love

Distressed my sorrowful eyes are searching for your splendors

That have disappeared like dreams

Searching for those beautiful moments

If it is not distasteful for you please accept my complaint

Please accept my salaam of deep longing!

I searched for a glimpse of you only, the object of imaginations - you only

For me only you are the idol, for me only you are divine

Please uphold the honor of my devotion, please accept my adoration

Please accept my salaam of deep longing!

As long as no message can be be received from your lowered eyes

Neither the soul can be consoled, nor the heart attain relief

And I will know the pain of separation, please accept this one gift

Please accept my salaam of deep longing!

Anywhere, send your salaam from anywhere. Bow down near any flower, send your salaam. Hearing a cuckoo cooing, let dance arise, send your salaam. It is drizzling, on your roof rain drops striking music, send your salaam.

Please accept my salaam of deep longing, please accept my love

And there is no need to find words, send it without words. God does not understand your language, he understands your feelings. Languages are many. If god had to understand language he would go mad. There are some three hundred languages on the earth. This is just the main ones. If other small languages are counted, and other dialects are counted, he will be in great difficulty. You can understand god's problem. And there is not just one earth, scientists say there is life on at least fifty thousand planets minimum. There can be life on more, but life must exist on fifty thousand. It is such a great expanse. And it is not just a question of man, birds and animals also become prayerful.

In the ashram of Maharshi Raman a cow died. He celebrated her going as is done for a person who has experienced samadhi. People were very surprised. But the cow was not any ordinary cow. She loved satsang, being near the master. Other people who came to Raman's satsang sometimes came and sometimes didn't, but the cow came without fail. No day passed that she did not have Raman's darshan. She came and stood with her head inside the window. She stood outside the window, but put her head inside the window. She stood for hours. While others kept sitting, she kept standing. When the satang dispersed, she too went away. And sometimes streams of tears poured from her eyes, standing right there at the window. When the cow became sick and could not come one day, Raman himself went to her. As soon as the cow saw him coming a stream of tears started flowing from her eyes. Raman's hand was on her head when she died. He gave her the same respect as is given to a person who has experienced samadhi. He had her samadhi constructed.

People asked, "Maharshi, do you think this cow was really so important?"

He said, "This is her last birth. Now she will not return. Her prayer has been heard. Her salaam has reached."

So it is not just a question of man. There are birds and animals, among them some are prayerful. There are plants, among them some are prayerful. Now scientists are involved in a great study. And one thing has been proven absolutely clearly, decisively: that plants are very sensitive -- as much as man, perhaps more but not less.

If plants hear the sitar playing of Ravi Shankar they are absorbed in joy. Scientists have made experiments on this. The plants become ecstatic. Now instruments have been devised like the cardiogram, from which your heart beat is known, such instruments have been devised from which the pulse of trees is known. The instrument is put on the tree and its emotional state begins to be revealed. If it is sad or happy, angry or compassionate.

Listening to Ravi Shankar's music the trees leaned in the direction where the sitar was playing. They started bending. And listening to modern music, jazz and that kind of music the trees started leaning away, started bending in the other direction. They wanted to say, please stop it! What is all this racket? Your Indian film music goes on blaring. People have set up loudspeakers that make noise they call music,. The trees are distressed. Perhaps man has lost his sensitivity, the sensitivity of the trees is the same as ever.

The scientist who was experimenting with trees was amazed and couldn't believe it when he first started finding these results. When someone takes an axe and comes to cut trees -- he has not started cutting yet but when the trees see a woodsman coming with his axe, all the trees start trembling. The instruments immediately say that the trees are anxious, they become very nervous, who knows whose turn has come. Even more surprising is that if you cut one tree then all the nearby trees are in agony. And it is not that they are afflicted only by cutting trees. If you kill a bird, all the trees are afflicted. From killing a bird! What do the trees have to do with it? But the bird is theirs too. It builds its nest on them. It gives a dignity to the trees, gives a blessing. It used to dance nearby, sing its song, make its cheerful sounds. When it was, there was life. And whosoever's life is being harmed the trees are sensitive to it.

And when they sense the gardener coming with his watering hose they are overjoyed. Water has not yet showered on them but their thirst is aroused. They are ready. They are happy. A thank you starts arising. These are all scientific facts now. Poets have always been saying these things. Thousands of years ago poets said these things that it has taken science thousands of years to comprehend.

Mahavira certainly must have heard this kind of thing in the trees, he must have known. He has said, "Don't pick unripe fruit from the tree. When the fruit ripens and falls by itself, then accept it." When this is how it is with trees, how will it be with birds and animals? How insensitive people are who go on eating birds and animals! And leave aside unimportant people that you have no expectations of...

Just recently the president of India, Sanjiv Reddy, returned very angry from Madras. At the governors palace in Madras he could get meat. He is a Gandhian. Does someone become a Gandhian by wearing a Gandhi cap? What kind of Gandhianism is this? A Gandhian is eating meat? Then why bring up meaningless nonsense about nonviolence? Stop this rubbish! Forget Gandhi and the very name Gandhi. Why are you repeating these falsities? Who are you deceiving?

But most of your political leaders are meat eaters. Most of your politicians drink alcohol. And these are all Gandhians. And on October second they sit at Gandhi's tomb in New Delhi and start turning their spinning wheels. A man can eat meat while making the claim of being nonviolent? What can be more false in this world? But behind all this there is only one goal -- how to get your votes.

I have heard that an Indian political leader gathered a crowd and shouted out, "Sisters and brothers, something to be said and something to be left unsaid, something that is heard and something unheard too, something to think of and something unthinkable. You must have seen many miracles brother, but stay, stay until the end and you have seen the whole show. So... so here is the first act... you have seen much magic, many shows... now put your hand on your hearts, and put your head somewhere else. My sisters, my brothers! Let each brother and each sister promise that they will not leave in the middle, otherwise this twenty-seven year old daughter of mine will be left lying here cut in two. So whose daughter is it?"

"Ours," reverberated as one voice.

"Name?"

"Independence."

"Tell me, shall I cut off her head?"

"Cut it."

"Yes, cut it. Who is she to you? She is my daughter. Say: cut it and join it, leader!"

"Cut it and join it, leader!"

"Yes, this is right appreciation."

Putting a sheet over, he cut the neck of independence and separated it.

"Show us leader, take off the cloth."

"No," many voices were raised -- but the leader's voice was the loudest --

"It is promised, do not slip away from your place, otherwise your independence, your truth will be left lying just like this. Gentleman, place your votes, one, two, as many as you can. Burn my child's funeral pyre."

He sat to one side and in a panic each one at the gathering, seeing the cut head, fearfully put all the votes into his poll box.

Your leaders are not much different than magicians. And the desire behind everything they do is one: how will you vote? So they spin spinning wheels, wear homespun khadi, and use Gandhibaba's name. They go to temples, they go to mosques. "Allah and Ishwar are thy names, give everyone pure thoughts Bhagwan" -- they even sing devotional songs. And if he doesn't get meat, the president of the country is upset -- the president of a country like India! He cannot get meat for one day, so it is a problem. If he had gotten it, perhaps the people would never have known he eats meat.

Mahavira must have seen that to harm trees is possible only when you are not sensitive, when you become stonelike. It is possible to kill animals for food only when your heart has died, and your soul has become completely gross.

This is just what Gorakh said yesterday, you remember, no? You worship stone and you have become stone. Your temples are stone, your idols are stone, your insides are also stone. Within you, life has disappeared.

The whole universe is sensitive. The whole universe is praying, each in its own way. Worship goes on, the offering continues. It is not a question of language, but of feeling. Drop language. When feeling surges up, when feeling is filling your life, then be drowned. Yes, if you want to cry, cry. If you want to laugh, laugh. If you want to dance, dance. This is the way of feeling.

Your tears will take you closer to god than your scriptures can take you. Your tears are your own. They come from the depths of your heart. Your tears are your humble request.

Please accept my salaam of deep longing, please accept my love

Dance sometimes delighted, he has given you such a rare world. He has given you such a valuable life. Each and every thing is invaluable. Each single grain is filled to the brim with him here. Such a rhythmic universe -- and you do not even give thanks?

Thanking is prayer. And certainly his remembrance will torture you. This is good. His remembrance will churn inside you, this is good. But don't make this remembrance a formality, otherwise it will become false. Formality does not work.

I was a guest in a home. The young daughter of the house was competing in debate at school. She said to me, "You speak so much, and I have to give only a three minute speech, please help me prepare a speech. And if you help me prepare, I am definitely going to win the first prize." She was really after me, so I helped her. I had her repeat it again and again and prepared her. First she said, brothers and sisters, if I make any mistake then excuse me: I told her to say this first. Her mom and dad were going, they asked me to come too, so I went to listen. She started her speech looking in my direction. She was very happy because she was fully prepared. She said: "Brothers and sisters, if I have any excuse you are mistaken."

Now what to do? If you repeat like a parrot, you will not get very far. In the same way your prayers stumble and fall down. You have learned like parrots. You do your devotional songs, but it is all learned and studied. It is acting, not real. It has to be real.

So don't ask how prayer can be done. Let the surge come, float in that surge. Just don't stop it, when the surge takes you, don't stop. We have become very miserly. We are afraid to cry, we are afraid to laugh. We are afraid to dance. We are afraid of being overwhelmed by emotion. We are completely dried up. Our whole humanity has become false, hollow, hypocritical.

Your remembrance tortures.

The throbbing of the wound increases!

The cuckoo is speaking in the mango tree

New leaves dissolve in the pain

You are beyond the sight of my eyes

Hidden somewhere a woman sings of longing

Your remembrance tortures.

Somewhere you play your intoxicating veena

Sleep is snatched away from my eyes

Writhing in the desert, a delicate fish

Touching you, the east wind comes!

The throbbing of the wound increases!

Now I say a few words

Give me a few priceless kisses

Heart to heart let us exchange

The years are passing by!

The throbbing of the wound increases!

Your remembrance tortures.

Let the remembrance of god torture you. Let the throbbing increase. Let the wound within you deepen, this wound is prayer. Prayer is not in words, prayer is the reverberation of life.

Don't be in a hurry to put it into words, otherwise the mind is very clever. The mind knows how to make everything false. If you meet someone on the path you immediately start smiling. That smile is false. It is not inside of you, it is only plastered on your lips like a Jimmy Carter smile.

I have heard that Jimmy Carter's wife has to close his mouth at night, otherwise his mouth will stay open all night -- he practices all day. She has to close his mouth otherwise if a mouse goes inside or something there will be a disturbance.

Your smiles are false. You laugh because you're supposed to laugh, you cry because you're supposed to cry. You cry if someone has died.

I was a guest at a home. In that home one gentleman had died. No one was upset that he had died. Everyone was happy because the gentleman had tortured them plenty. He had been sick for many years. And if there was a prayer that moved in everyone's heart in that house it was that he go somehow, that god take him. He had set the whole house on edge. He died, so everyone was happy, but the happiness could not be shown. You cannot beat a drum and proclaim that you are delighted. You will have to cry. It was cool weather, I was sitting outside. The woman of the house had said to me, if anyone comes to mourn, please ring this bell. Why? I said. She said we will have to cry won't we? If someone suddenly arrives and sees that no one is crying then we will need to protect our honor. So I said, okay. A gentleman came, I rang the bell. The gentleman went in, I also went in, I looked in and was astonished. That woman grabbed a veil, drew it over herself and started crying loudly. She put on a veil because tears will not be coming. How can tears come? She lowered a veil over and began wailing loudly. As soon as the gentleman left, she put away the veil... started conversing again. Everything was fine, no problem anywhere.

You cry it is false. You laugh it is false. Your whole personality is phoney. Don't let this false personality be a part of your prayer. This is why people have the story of Satya Narayan recited at death. They hire a pandit saying, brother, recite, here's ten rupees. Recite the story of Satya Narayan so that god stands behind him, so it can be said we had the story recited.

The Tibetans make a prayer wheel. It is like a small cart wheel, like a spinning wheel. As many spokes as there are... there are one hundred and eight spokes, the same as the one hundred and eight beads of a mala. On each spoke a mantra is written. They give the wheel a spin. As many times as the wheel turns, that much merit is received from reciting the mantra, that much virtue, is attained.

I was in Bodhgaya. A Tibetan lama was staying with me. He was reciting from his book and once in a while gave his wheel a turn. I watched one day, I watched two days. I said to him, just try something: what is this ancient method you are doing? Wire it with electricity and connect it to power. Then you can do whatever you want to do, it will go on turning and turning. Even at night when you are sleeping it will go on spinning. Your virtue will have no end. Virtue upon virtue will go on showering upon you.

Who are you deceiving? People go on inventing devices for prayer which are false. People are false so whatever they do will be false.

Don't ask how I can pray. A wave is arising, a feeling is arising -- just don't interfere with this feeling. Don't hinder it. Wherever this wave wants to take you go with it. You will feel afraid at first, thinking, "I don't know where it will take me, perhaps I'll start crying in the middle of the market, where people are sitting seriously I'll start laughing, people will think I am mad."

Take note, only the mad can pray. Only one who has the courage to be mad can travel the path of prayer.

Touch the ache of my soul, be my beloved!

What was quite disentangled, please entangle today

What was quite tangled up, please disentangle today

Dry the rainy season of my tears today

I want you to make me sad today

O affection of my eyes become eternal affection

Touch the ache of my soul, be my beloved!

Become a rain drop of affection, torment me life long

Do not show yourself to the love-bird of my consciousness

Steal a smile from these lips

Do this much and I will take it as great fortune

Become the eternal past to my present

Touch the ache of my soul, be my beloved!

Face to face with me is not false passion

Not just founded on dreamy hopes

Tune the tangled strings of my veena

With a gesture, play it just for a moment today

Sing my song, be mine!

Touch the ache of my soul, be my beloved!

Real prayer is not yours. Only what comes from the divine is divine. You are only a medium, a hollow bamboo. He sings a song through you. Only then is prayer true. And only then does prayer liberate.

The last question:

Question 5

I BECOME INTERESTED IN OTHER WOMEN BESIDES MY WIFE. BUT WHEN MY WIFE SHOWS INTEREST IN SOME OTHER MAN I BECOME VERY JEALOUS, I BURN IN FRIGHTFUL FLAMES.

Men have always created freedom for themselves but obstructed women. Men have imprisoned women within the four walls of the home while man has always kept himself free. Those days are gone now. Now woman is as independent as you are. And if don't want to burn in jealousy there are only two ways. One way is you yourself become free of desire. Where there is no desire jealousy does not remain. And the other way, if you don't want to become free of desire, then at least give as much prerogative to others as you have. Gather this much courage.

I want you to become free of desire. If you have known one woman you have known all women. If you have known one man you have known all men. Then the differences are only in outer lines. And one who is not able to know all women by knowing one woman, understand that he is living unconsciously. Even knowing innumerable women he will will not be able to know. He will never know. Knowing happens through awareness, he is unconscious. He will go on chasing, dropping one to go after another.

And certainly you will burn because it hurts the male ego. You think it is completely fine, that you become interested in others' women, there is no problem. We say: boys will be boys. Men have made up this saying, that boys are after all boys. Men have created this reckoning that man will not be satisfied with one, a man wants many: a woman will be satisfied with only one. These are just male tricks. A woman should be satisfied with only one -- and that one is you. But you? How can you be satisfied with one? You are a man, there should be more freedom for a man.

I have heard, in Mulla Nasruddin's neighborhood Mr. Malhotra has recently arrived and become a neighbor. His wife is very beautiful. As soon as he woke up one day, to harass his wife, Mulla said: "Listen, don't be angry, for a few days now, Mrs. Malhotra appears nightly in my dreams."

The wife said, "She appears alone doesn't she?"

Mulla said, "Yes, but how did you know?"

Th wife said, "Because Mr. Malhotra comes into my dreams." Mulla was very unhappy from this exchange. He had tried to harass his wife, but he himself was harassed.

Your wife has as much independence as you want for your self. And if you find that no, it doesn't seem right that your wife is interested in other men then your being interested in other women is also not right. And what you want your wife to do, you should do first. Only then do you have any right.

Let go of these running desires. And this I say unto you: women are certainly not as desire ridden as men are. With women there is a certain feeling of surrender. And with women there is a certain fidelity and faith and trust. Man's love is shallow, it is not deep, it just on the surface. In the life of a man love is not all, there are many other things. In the love of a woman love is all there is, all other things are contained inside of love. In the life of a man there are many other dimensions, among which love is a dimension. In the life of a woman there is no other dimensions. All functions, all dimensions are contained in love.

Man is chaotic, man is restless. You can see this in very small children too. A small boy cannot simply sit quietly. He will knock over things, he will open clocks, he will start catching flies, he will cause some disturbance or other, willy-nilly. A small girl will sit quietly in a corner, perhaps holding her dolly to her heart.

And remember this, women start to know even in the womb whether it is a boy or a girl. If the woman is a little sensitive she starts to know because a boy starts to make these same disturbances. He will give a kick sometimes, he will shake his head somehow. A girl is quiet. An experienced mother will start to know whether it is a boy or a girl. She will know by the amount of disturbance.

There is a scientific reason for this. The life sciences say that the personality of woman is balanced, the personality of man is not balanced. The genes of the woman are equal. A person is born out of the meeting of two cells -- out of the meeting of the two sex cells of man and woman. In a man there are sex cells of twenty-four genes and there are cells of twenty-three genes: there are two kinds of sex cells. In a woman there are only sex cells of twenty-four genes. When a man's twenty-four gene cell unites with a woman's twenty-four gene cell a girl is born. There are forty-eight genes. The weight is equal. The two pans of the balance are the same. And when a man's twenty-three gene cell unites with the twenty-four gene cell of the woman a man is born. One pan is lower, one pan is higher, there is no balance. There are forty-seven genes -- twenty-three on one side, twenty-four on one side. In women there are twenty-four genes each. This is why a woman is more beautiful, more proportionate, more peaceful. There is a kind of equanimity. There is a kind of stability. There is a certain roundness in the being of a woman. There is a little angularity in man, a square cut. There is a scientific basis too.

Dhabbuji and his wife went on a pilgrimage. Dhabbuji is a great lover of books, he keeps books at his side all the time. They went into a temple -- it must have been the Vishwanath temple in Kashi. Dhabbuji is reading his book even standing in the temple. The wife is praying. You can understand her suffering. She said loudly: O lord of Vishwanath! Do just this much, when I die, in the next life don't let me be a woman but a book, so that at least I can be with Dhabbuji all the time.

Dhabbuji heard it. He immediately bowed down on his knees, joined his hands and said, O lord! If you accept her prayer then make her a telephone directory, so that I can exchange her every year.

Man's mind is simply restless. Let go of this restlessness. Be a little still. Be a little quiet. Understand life a little. You have run much already life after life, where have you reached? And how much more will you run? Now stop!

"The foot that stops reaches the village." If you stop you reach the village. Then you will attain what you are seeking. The name of this stopping is meditation. The name for keeping on moving is the world. The name for stopping is the divine.

Enough for today.

Chapter No. 9 - Thought of memory-intelligence
Chapter No. 10 - Music, the easiest method of meditation